Healing Emotional Wounds And Refining The Ego
Lets start by saying that the Ego is not bad and that wounds are not weak. These are parts of people’s lives here on earth. In fact dismissing your ego or resenting it can cause further wounding. This work is often referred to as “transcending the ego”. This doesn’t mean to some how float about the ego and no longer have it in your life. It doesn’t work that way. This work is emotional and to balance you ego you will need to face it. To make sense of it. Ultimately to love your ego.
Learning from resentments refines the ego
The ego is the wounded self. It protects us from repeating previous mistakes. But it also draws us to repeat those same mistakes. The ego protects us by telling the story of old wounds over and over. It protects us by being wary of anything that resembles old wounds. This can make us cautious, withdrawn or quick to over-react. Anything that resembles the wound becomes evidence. This builds the case that the ego is justified in its actions and feelings.
Learning to hear the message of the ego refines it. For the message of the ego is passive or unconscious. Its actions and efforts are unspoken. When you can begin to be conscious of the ego you have the chance to soften its emotions, lift it’s thinking higher into more positive places. This is the refinement of the ego.
What Are Emotional Wounds?
Wounds are emotions that hurt. Reactions that cause pain. Beliefs that restrict us and conflict our values. Often there are core emotions that we have at some point buried away. Core emotions that we have decided not to feel and process. These become wounds and hurt when we are reminded of them. Just like pressing buttons. Much like an inflamed physical wound, when the emotional scars get compacted and sore. They are easily triggered into further pain.
Emotional wounds become complicated when patterns of behaviour keep them protected. This is how they become entrenched deep within us. For example if after series of bad breakups you might exclaim “All men are bastards!” . This is the wound speaking , and directing the course for future relationships. The focus of the wound becomes smaller and smaller and easily proven. This unconscious course towards hurt becomes more and more certain.
Hearing the message of the ego by working with resentments
Working through resentments is an effective way to process the wounds of the ego. It will reveal the harboured reactions and passive responses. Seeing the passive responses in the light of day is most important. For so often the ego works in passive ways. These passive barriers hold back the truth from relationships. They allow us to avoid being vulnerable and being seen.
1# Layout the resentment in terms of what the other person did to you. List all of the feelings and emotions that you can when you think of this action or person. You can use the Emotional Grounding Technique for this. Layout all of the feelings you can. This shows you the original wound or reaction.
2# Then you layout your part. What was your part in this original resentment? Did you behave in a way that had a cause and effect action? Also what behaviour did you display after this event. Did you withdraw or counteract? Even sabotage? You can use the Emotional Grounding Technique for this also. Focus on the emotions of your reaction to this person or event.
3# From here you can identify the legacy. Legacy is a statement, core belief or limiting belief that is the catch phrase of the ego. Legacy means to inherit, to keep once something is over. It is the legacy that remains.
When you see your hurt and mixed emotion from (#1) and you see your reaction from (#2) what beliefs did you form? Did you say “ I will never let this happen again” , or some other rash judgement that became a belief. What did you start thinking at that time that still remains today?
Understanding emotional wounds with Emotional Grounding
This technique can reveal your wounds. By naming mixed emotions and hard to express feelings. Seeing contradiction in the spread of emotions often allows compassion to be felt. To see the emotions present are from a younger time. That there is a tenderness in busy situations. That there is a innocence in hard to comprehend reactions.
Moving through the Emotional Grounding Technique you will notice patterns of emotion. You will begin to see familiar emotional cycles. Seeing the emotional reaction in each scenario will help you move into “wound thinking”. This a way to actively process your wounds. In each moment consciously caring for your wounds, processing them with awareness.
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